更新时间：2024-05-04
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[ti:绝望的主妇第一季01]
[ar:Desperate Housewives ]
[al:Desperate Housewives ]
[by:convey907]
[00:16.53]My name is Mary Alice Young
[00:19.38]when you read this morning’s paper you may come across an article
[00:22.44]about the unusual day I had last week
[00:25.85]Normally there’s never anything newsworthy about my life
[00:29.42]but that all changed last Thursday
[00:32.52]Of course everything seemed quite normal at first
[00:36.12]I made breakfast for my family
[00:39.96]I performed my chores
[00:43.63]I completed my projects
[00:47.40]I ran my errands
[00:50.07]In truth I spent the day as I spent every other day
[00:54.38]quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection
[01:03.05]That’s why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet
[01:08.54]and retrieve a revolver that had never been used
[01:17.03]My body was discovered by my neighbor Mrs Martha Huber
[01:21.60]who’d been startled by a strange popping sound
[01:25.37]Her curiosity aroused
[01:27.31]Mrs Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced
[01:33.98]After some initial hesitation
[01:36.32]she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before
[02:03.51]It’s my neighbor. I think she’s been shot. There’s bIood everywhere.
[02:07.58]Yes you’ve got to send an ambulance.
[02:10.55]You’ve got to send one right now.
[02:17.19]And for a moment Mrs Huber stood motionless in her kitchen
[02:21.60]grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy
[02:24.70]But only for a moment
[02:27.40]If there was one thing Mrs Huber was known for
[02:31.03]it was her ability to look on the bright side
[02:34.34]
[02:40.72]I was laid to rest on a Monday
[02:43.28]After the funeral all the residents of Wisteria Lane
[02:46.42]came to pay their respects
[02:49.46]And as people do in these situations they brought food
[02:53.70]Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken
[02:56.36]Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken
[02:59.53]Of course,She didn’t cook much while moving up the corporate ladder
[03:03.30]She didn’t have the time
[03:05.07]But when her doctor announced she was pregnant
[03:07.24]her husband Tom had an idea
[03:09.71]’’Why not quit your job?’’
[03:11.55]’’Kids do better with stay-at-home moms It would be so much less stressful ’’
[03:16.12]But this was not the case
[03:18.19]In fact Lynette’s life had become so hectic
[03:21.36]she was now forced to get her chicken from the fast-food restaurant
[03:25.56]Lynette would’ve appreciated the irony if she’d thought about it
[03:29.33]But she didn’t have the time
[03:31.47]- Stop it stop it stop it. - But Mom.
[03:33.84]No. You are going to behave today.
[03:36.07]I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood.
[03:39.87]And just so you know how serious I am...
[03:42.51]- What’s that? - Santa’s cell-phone number.
[03:45.78]How did you get that?
[03:47.65]I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf.
[03:50.66]And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa
[03:53.96]and I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas.
[03:57.66]You willing to risk that?
[04:01.92]Okay. Let’s get this over with.
[04:08.77]Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella
[04:14.73]Since her modelling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste
[04:18.22]for rich food
[04:20.96]and rich men
[04:23.76]Carlos who worked in mergers and acquisitions
[04:26.45]proposed on their third date
[04:28.36]Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes
[04:31.79]But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal
[04:36.53]Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot
[04:39.47]However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler
[04:44.01]If you talk to AI Mason at this thing
[04:46.41]I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your neckIace.
[04:49.18]Why don’t I just pin the receipt to my chest?
[04:51.05]He let me know what he paid for his wife’s convertibIe.
[04:53.78]- Look, just work it into the conversation. - There’s no way I can just work that in, Carlos.
[04:56.38]Why not? At the Donohue party, everyone was talking about mutual funds.
[05:00.66]And you found a way to mention you slept with half the Yankee outfield.
[05:03.50]I’m telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation.
[05:05.69]Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down please?
[05:09.20]Absolutely. Wouldn’t want them to think we’re not happy.
[05:13.07]Bree Van De Kamp who lives next door
[05:15.24]brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch.
[05:18.21]Bree was known for her cooking. And for making her own clothes
[05:23.85]And for doing her own gardening
[05:26.58]And for reupholstering her own furniture.
[05:30.15]Yes, Bree’s many talents were known throughout the neighbourhood.
[05:33.96]And everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.
[05:38.73]Everyone, that is, except her own family.
[05:45.33]Paul, Zachary. Paul, Zachary.
[05:47.74]Hello Mrs. Van De Kamp. Bree, you shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble.
[05:50.94]It was no trouble at all.
[05:52.41]Now the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests.
[05:55.61]But the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary.
[05:58.31]It’s got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things.
[06:01.78]Thank you.
[06:02.77]Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning.
[06:07.49]I know you’re out of your minds with grief.
[06:10.26]Yes, we are.
[06:13.93]Of course, I will need the baskets back once you’re done.
[06:17.83]Of course.
[06:23.29]Susan Mayer, who lives across the street
[06:25.54]brought macaroni and cheese.
[06:27.84]Her husband Carl always teased her about her macaroni,
[06:31.08]saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, and she rarely made it well.
[06:36.05]It was too salty the night she and Carl moved into their new house.
[06:40.36]It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Carl’s shirt.
[06:44.96]She burned it the night Carl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.
[06:57.14]A year had passed since the divorce
[06:59.67]Susan was starting to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life,
[07:03.41]even one who would make fun of her cooking.
[07:05.91]Mom, why would someone kill themselves?
[07:10.49]Well, sometimes people are so unhappy
[07:13.82]they think it’s the only way they can solve their problems.
[07:16.96]- But Mrs. Young always seemed happy.- Yeah.
[07:19.73]sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside
[07:22.10]and they’re totally different on the inside.
[07:24.33]Oh you mean how Dad’s girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things
[07:27.02]but deep down you just know she’s a bitch.
[07:28.97]I don’t like that word, Julie. But yeah, that’s a great example.
[07:44.29]Hey, what’s going on?
[07:48.80]Sorry I’m late.
[07:49.89]- Hi Susan.- Hey.
[08:12.61]So? What did Carl say when you confronted him?
[08:15.28]You’ll love this, he said it doesn’t mean anything, it was just sex.
[08:20.32]Oh yes, page one of the philanderer’s handbook.
[08:23.29]Yeah, and then he got this Zen look on his face, and he said, you know Susan,
[08:26.56]most men live lives of quiet desperation.
[08:29.86]- Please tell me you punched him. - No, I said, really?
[08:32.14]And what do most women lead, lives of noisy fulfillment?
[08:35.20]- Good for you. - I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary?
[08:38.44]I had that woman over for brunch.
[08:40.14]It’s like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn’t have a conscience.
[08:43.31]Even the limp ones aren’t that ethical.
[08:45.95]This is half the reason I joined the NRA.
[08:47.85]Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences,
[08:50.52]I wanted at the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home,
[08:53.22]with a loaded Smith and Wesson.
[08:55.82]Lynnie? Tom’s always away on business. Do you ever worry he might..?
[08:59.16]Oh, please, the man’s gotten me pregnant three times in four years.
[09:02.93]I wish he was having sex with someone else.
[09:08.54]So Susan, is he going to stop seeing that woman?
[09:14.34]I don’t know.
[09:19.71]I’m sorry you guys, I just...
[09:24.32]I just don’t know how I’m going to survive this.
[09:28.39]Listen to me.
[09:30.12]We all have moments of desperation.
[09:34.46]But if we can face them head on,
[09:35.63]that’s how we find out just how strong we really are.
[09:46.64]Susan. Susan.
[09:47.91]I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on Friday.
[09:50.85]He needs us to go through Mary Alice’s closet, and help pack up her things.
[09:53.61]He says he can’t face doing it by himself.
[09:55.45]- Sure. That’s fine. - Are you OK?
[09:59.42]Yeah. I’m just so angry.
[10:03.36]If Mary Alice was having problems, she should have come to us,
[10:06.11]she should have let us help her.
[10:07.70]What kind of problems could she have had? She was healthy,
[10:10.67]had a great home, a nice family. Her life was?
[10:13.30]our life.
[10:17.37]No, if Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, we’d have known.
[10:20.61]She lives 50 feet away, for god’s sakes.
[10:23.33]Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must’ve been going on.
[10:40.23]- Oh, I wouldn’t eat that if I were you. - Why?
[10:42.90]I made it. Trust me.
[10:47.24]Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?
[10:49.47]No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.
[10:55.54]Oh my God.
[10:58.38]How did you?it tastes like it’s burnt and undercooked.
[11:02.12]Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go.
[11:07.72]Thanks. I’m Mike Delfino, I just rented out the Sim’s house next door.
[11:12.53]Susan Mayer. I Iive across the street.
[11:15.30]Oh yeah, Mrs. Huber told me about you, said you illustrate children’s books
[11:19.17]Yeah I’m very big with the under 5 set.
[11:21.60]- What do you do?
[11:23.47]Plumber. So if you ever have a clog
[11:28.61]...or something.
[11:34.18]Now that everybody’s seen that I’ve brought something,
[11:37.42]I should probabIy just throw this out.
[11:49.90]- Ow.
[11:51.43]Ease up, you little vampire.
[11:56.17]Lynette! I’ve been looking all over for you.
[12:00.07]Are you aware of what your sons are doing?
[12:02.68]Cannonball! Cannonball!
[12:08.02]Stop!
[12:15.59]What are you doing!? We are at a wake!
[12:18.66]When we got here, you said we could go in the pool.
[12:21.13]I said you could go by the pool.
[12:23.97]Do you have your swimsuits on?
[12:25.77]Yeah, we put them on under our clothes just before we left.
[12:28.80]You three planned this? Alright, that’s it. Get out!
[12:32.21]- No. - No?
[12:34.51]I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on.
[12:38.55]We want to swim and you can’t stop us!
[12:50.76]Here.
[12:54.16]- No! - Get out.
[12:55.66]Or I will get in this pool and just grab you, get out!
[12:59.90]Oh!
[13:01.90]Get over here.
[13:05.27]All right,Get back or I’ll kill you.
[13:07.94]You...
[13:13.08]That’s right. Get over here.
[13:15.42]Go go go go go. Move it.
[13:25.39]Out. Get out.
[13:34.80]Paul. We have to leave now. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
[13:41.44]Go.
[13:43.41]Lynette shouldn’t have been so concerned about my husband.
[13:46.85]He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface.
[14:00.46]The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbours quietly went back
[14:04.50]to their busy busy lives
[14:07.84]some did their cooking
[14:12.37]and some did their cleaning
[14:16.41]and some did their yoga
[14:19.15]others did their homework
[14:22.18]- Hi...
[14:24.95]I’m Julie, I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.
[14:27.79]Oh, OK. Well, let’s go round and get it.
[14:30.73]- Stay.
[14:33.76]His wife died a year ago,
[14:35.29]he wanted to stay in LA but there were too many memories.
[14:37.43]He’s renting for tax purposes, but he’s hoping to buy a place real soon.
[14:40.33]- I can’t believe you went over there. - Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake.
[14:43.47]You’re obviously into each other.
[14:45.25]Now that you know he’s single, you can ask him out.
[14:47.31]Julie, I like Mr. Delfino,
[14:50.08]I do. It’s just, I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating yet.
[14:53.05]Ugh, you need to get back out there.
[14:55.15]Come on. How long has it been since you’re had sex?
[14:59.85]- Are you mad that I asked you that? - No, I’m just trying to remember.
[15:04.13]I don’t wanna talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out.
[15:06.97]I wouIdn’t have said anything. Just...
[15:08.90]What?
[15:11.17]I heard Dad’s girlfriend asking if you’d dated anyone since the divorce
[15:15.07]and Dad said he doubted it. And then they both laughed.
[15:36.32]Hey Susan.
[15:38.19]Hi Mike. I brought you a little housewarming gift.
[15:41.80]I probably should’ve brought something by earlier, but...
[15:44.63]- Actually, you’re the first in the neighbourhood to stop by. - ReaIIy?
[15:47.74]Susan knew she was lucky.
[15:49.80]An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane,
[15:52.71]and she was the first to find out
[15:54.78]She also knew that good news
[15:57.21]- Hello there.- travels quickly
[15:59.61]Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a 5 block radius.
[16:05.09]Her conquests were numerous
[16:09.56]Varied
[16:13.06]And legendary
[16:15.36]Wh... Ah!
[16:17.26]Hi Susan. I hope I’m not interrupting.
[16:22.20]You must be Mike Delfino. Hi, I’m Edie. Britt. I live over there
[16:26.07]I Iive over there.
[16:28.08]WeIcome to Wisteria Lane.
[16:31.01]Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.
[16:34.85]Thank you. What’s this?
[16:36.95]Sausage Puttenesca. It’s just something I threw together.
[16:40.89]Thanks, Edie
[16:43.18]That’s... great.
[16:45.72]I’d invite you both in, but I was sorta in the middle of something.
[16:48.43]- Oh, I’m late for an appointment anyway.- Oh, no problem, I just wanted to say hi.
[16:51.57]And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.
[16:55.90]For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.
[17:00.64]Oh, Mike. I heard you’re a plumber?
[17:04.24]But she was reminded that when it came to men?
[17:07.08]Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my pipes?
[17:10.58]-Women don’t fight fair.- Sure.
[17:14.29]Thanks.
[17:21.03]Bye Susan.
[17:23.33]- You can’t order me around like I’m a child! - GabrieIIe.
[17:26.20]No no. I’m not going.
[17:27.53]It’s business, Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives.
[17:30.70]Every time I’m around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
[17:34.17]I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year.
[17:37.38]If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
[17:48.52]- John. - Ow!
[17:50.79]Mr. Solis. You scared me.
[17:53.56]Why is that bush still there? You were supposed to dig it up last week.
[17:56.50]I didn’t have time last week. I don’t wanna hear your excuses,
[17:58.87]Just take care of it.
[18:03.24]I really hate the way you talk to me.
[18:06.27]And I really hate that I spent $15,000
[18:08.86]on your diamond necklace that you couldn’t live without.
[18:11.31]But I’m learning to deal with it.
[18:13.39]So. Can I tell Tanaka we’ll be there tomorrow night?
[18:16.45]John. We have bandages top shelf in the kitchen.
[18:20.55]Thanks Mrs. SoIis.
[18:26.53]Fine. I’ll go.
[18:28.50]But I’m keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time.
[18:32.17]See? Now this is what a marriage is all about - compromise.
[18:43.44]- Is your finger ok? - Yeah, yeah, it’s just a small cut.
[18:47.41]Let me see. Mmm.
[19:05.30]You know, Mrs. Solis, uhh, I really like it when we hook up.
[19:11.14]But, um, you know I gotta get my work done,
[19:14.44]...I can’t afford to lose this job.
[19:19.11]This table is hand carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy.
[19:24.02]It cost it $23,000.
[19:27.86]You wanna do it on the table this time?
[19:31.06]Absolutely.
[19:48.98]Why can’t we ever have normal soup?
[19:50.88]Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
[19:54.62]Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of?
[19:57.08]Like, french onion or navy bean.
[20:00.05]First of all, your father can’t eat onions,
[20:01.49]he’s deadly allergic.
[20:02.56]And I won’t even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
[20:06.83]So. How’s the osso buco?
[20:09.93]- It’s OK. - It’s OK?
[20:13.73]Andrew, I spent 3 hours cooking this meal.
[20:16.44]How do you think it makes me feel when you say it’s OK, in that sullen tone?
[20:20.57]Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?
[20:26.25]Excuse me?
[20:28.92]Tim Harper’s mom gets home from work
[20:31.08]pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom,
[20:33.46]they’re eating, everyone’s happy.
[20:34.86]You’d rather I serve pork and beans?
[20:36.88]Apologize now, I am begging.
[20:38.58]I’m saying, do you always have to serve cuisine?
[20:40.96]Can’t we ever just have food?
[20:42.23]Are you doing drugs?
[20:43.52]What?
[20:44.33]Change in behavior is one of the warning signs,
[20:46.43]and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months.
[20:49.84]It explains why you’re always locked in the bathroom.
[20:52.37]- Trust me, that is not what he is doing. - Shut up.
[20:54.78]Mom I’m not the one with the problem here, alright?
[20:57.54]You’re the one always acting like she’s running for mayor of Stepford.
[21:01.68]Rex... seeing that you’re the head of this household
[21:04.92]I would really appreciate you saying something.
[21:09.72]Pass the salt?
[21:23.67]Three days after my funeral
[21:25.37]Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion
[21:29.44]Indignation
[21:30.64]Tom this is my fifth message and you still haven’t call me back.
[21:34.48]Well, You must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine.
[21:39.55]Well, guess what, the kids and I wanna have some fun too,
[21:42.36]so unless you call me back by noon, we are getting on a plane and joining you.
[21:46.23]- Mom. - Not now, honey, Mommy’s threatening Daddy.
[21:49.36]- Mom. - No I...
[21:52.10]- Where are your brothers? - Noodles, my favourite!
[22:02.01]- Lynette Scavo? - Crap.
[22:04.65]Natalie Klein. I don’t believe it.
[22:08.35]Lynette. How long has it been?
[22:10.63]Years! Uh, how are you, how’s the firm?
[22:14.49]- Good. Everyone misses you. - Yeah.
[22:17.86]We all say if you hadn’t quit, you’d be running the place by now.
[22:21.26]Yeah well.
[22:23.80]So?how’s domestic life?
[22:28.57]Don’t you just love being a mom?
[22:30.94]And there it was - the question that Lynette always dreaded.
[22:35.41]Well, to be honest...
[22:37.18]For those who asked it ,only one answer was acceptable
[22:40.95]So, Lynette responded as she always did - she lied.
[22:44.89]It’s the best job I’ve ever had.
[22:59.23]You know what I don’t get? - What?
[23:01.64]Why you married Mr. Solis.
[23:07.01]Well, he promised to give me everything I’ve ever wanted.
[23:12.88]- Well, did he? - Yes.
[23:17.15]Then why aren’t you happy?
[23:21.29]Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
[23:24.79]So do you love him?
[23:29.33]I do.
[23:30.86]Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
[23:34.27]Because I don’t want to wake up one morning
[23:36.60]with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.
[23:43.84]- Hey, can I have a drag? - Absolutely not.
[23:46.91]You are much too young to smoke.
[23:51.42]How would you feel about me using your child
[23:54.23]support payments for plastic surgery?
[23:56.02]Stop being nervous.
[23:57.01]you’re just asking him out to dinner. It’s no big deal
[23:59.84]You’re right.
[24:02.33]So, is that your project for school?
[24:04.23]You know in fifth grade I made the white house out of sugar cubes.
[24:07.57]Stop stalling and go Before Mike figures out he can do better.
[24:12.27]Tell me again why I fought for custody of you.
[24:16.18]- You were using me to hurt Dad. - Oh that’s right.
[24:22.08]Oh God.
[24:31.49]- Hi. - Hey Susan.
[24:34.90]- Are you busy? - No not at all. What’s up?
[24:37.33]Well, I... I just uh was wondering if...
[24:42.67]...if there was any chance that you uh...
[24:47.94]...I just wanted to ask if...
[24:52.01]- Edie. - Hey, there Susan.
[24:54.11]- What are you...? - I was making ambrosia.
[24:56.75]and I made too much so I thought I’d bring some over to Mike.
[25:00.62]- What’s going on? - Susan was gonna ask me something.
[25:06.53]Uh...
[25:10.46]- I have a clog. - Excuse me?
[25:12.80]- And you’re a plumber right? - Yeah.
[25:15.94]- The clog’s in the pipe. - Yeah that’s usually where they are.
[25:19.64]- Well, I’ve got one. - OK. Let me get my tools.
[25:23.38]Now? You want to come over now? You have company.
[25:27.15]I don’t mind.
[25:28.62]Just give me two minutes. I’ll be right over.
[25:41.36]That’s it.
[25:42.63]- Stuff the hair down. - I stuffed it.
[25:44.66]- It’s not enough to clog it. - Here. Here. Look.
[25:48.50]Put in this peanut butter.
[25:51.64]And this cooking oil.
[25:54.37]- Mom... - And these olives.
[25:56.24]It’s not working.
[25:59.21]Oh God. That’s him.
[26:01.98]How am I gonna stop up the sink?
[26:12.09]Well,here’s your problem.
[26:14.80]somebody stuffed a bunch of popsicle sticks down there.
[26:19.00]I’ve told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen.
[26:22.00]Kids, y’ know?
[26:29.18]Alright, I’ll go put in your orders.
[26:30.90]I’ll be right back with your drinks and your plates for the salad bar
[26:33.55]Thank you.
[26:35.75]Andrew Danielle napkins. Thank you.
[26:39.69]They have video games.
[26:41.96]Can we go play until our food gets here?
[26:44.29]Andrew. This is family time. I think we should all...
[26:47.36]Go ahead and play.
[26:57.70]I know that you think I’m angry about coming here, but I’m not.
[27:00.87]I mean, the kids wanted a change of pace, something fun.
[27:04.08]I get it.
[27:06.73]Probably will want something healthier tomorrow night though,
[27:08.82]I’m thinking about chicken saltimbocca.?
[27:11.05]I want a divorce.
[27:16.09]I just can’t live in this...
[27:18.99]...this detergent commercial anymore.
[27:23.50]The salad bar’s right over there, help yourself.
[27:25.70]Thank you.
[27:30.20]Um. Think I’ll go get your salad for you.
[27:45.75]- Bree Van De Kamp. - Oh hello Mrs. Huber.
[27:50.62]Oh we didn’t get a chance to talk at Mary Alice’s wake.
[27:53.64]How are you doing?
[27:56.10]Bree longed to share the truth about her husband’s painful betrayal,
[28:00.40]but sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option.
[28:04.70]Great. Everything is just great.
[28:08.64]I got you the honey mustard dressing,the ranch looked just a little bit suspect.
[28:23.39]Are we gonna talk about what I said?
[28:25.59]If you think I’m gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place
[28:28.56]with restrooms are labelled "chicks" and "dudes , you’re out of your mind.
[28:35.90]- What’s in this? - What do you mean? It’s salad.
[28:38.87]- With... with onions. - What?
[28:42.14]- You put onions in my salad - No I didn’t.
[28:49.78]Oh wait.
[28:59.85]The sound that awakened my son was something he’d heard only once before,
[29:04.58]Many years ago when he was quite young
[29:09.90]But he recognized it instantly
[29:19.41]It was the sound of a family secret
[29:42.40]Seven days after my funeral life on Wisteria Lane
[29:46.01]finally returned to normal
[29:49.24]Which for some of my friends was unfortunate
[29:55.32]- Mommy Mommy! - Now what?
[29:58.39]Daddy’s home!
[30:01.49]Come on! Hey is anybody home?
[30:04.86]- Hey! - Hey!
[30:08.33]I wasn’t expecting you for a week.
[30:10.60]I have to go back to ’Frisco in the morning.
[30:13.13]But I got your call. You sounded frazzled.
[30:15.44]Yeah.
[30:16.77]- It’s been a little rough. - Hi. Yeah. Peaches.
[30:20.04]Daddy, did you buy us any presents?
[30:21.94]Oh God presents. Wait up. Let me see.
[30:28.38]- Ohhh! - Yeah!
[30:31.18]But I’m not gonna give it to you, unless you promise me
[30:33.31]that you’re gonna go outside right now
[30:35.36]and practise throwing for 20 minutes.
[30:38.02]- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Punks. Get out!
[30:40.63]Who’s open? Go out. Deeper. Deeper. Touchdown!
[30:47.07]Oh my God.
[30:50.47]Oh no.
[30:52.97]You got to be kidding. I’m exhausted.I look terrible. I’m covered in peaches.
[30:58.45]- I’m sorry baby. I got to have you. - Well is it OK if I just lie here?
[31:03.78]- AbsoluteIy.
[31:09.06]- I love you. - I love you more... Oh baby.
[31:14.26]Oh wait, I gotta tell you, I was having trouble with swelling
[31:16.56]so the doctor took me off the pill,
[31:18.09]so you’re just gonna have to put on a condom.
[31:19.43]- A condom? - Yeah.
[31:21.00]What’s the big deal? Let’s risk it.
[31:23.77]- Let’s risk it? Yeah.
[31:36.02]I can’t believe you tried to kill me.
[31:38.03]Yes, well, I feel badly about that.
[31:40.35]I told you, Mrs. Huber came over and I got distracted. It was a mistake.
[31:44.99]Since when do you make mistakes?
[31:46.64]What’s that supposed to mean?
[31:48.09]It means I’m sick of you being so damn perfect all the time.
[31:53.40]I-I-I’m sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn’t move.
[31:56.77]I’m sick of you making the bed in the morning
[31:59.03]before I’ve even used the bathroom.
[32:00.94]you’re this plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula,
[32:05.35]who says things like We owe the Hendersons a dinner?
[32:11.15]Where’s the woman I fell in love with?
[32:14.95]...who used to burn the toast, drink milk out of the carton
[32:21.83]And laugh.
[32:26.10]I need her. Not this cold perfect thing you’ve become.
[32:39.71]These need water.
[32:54.63]Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes
[32:58.53]but her husband never knew
[33:01.94]Because when Bree finally emerged
[33:07.94]she was perfect
[33:16.72]- I found my earrings. We can go now. - Was John here today?
[33:20.95]Well yeah.
[33:22.36]The lawn hasn’t been mowed. I’ve had it, we’re getting a real gardener.
[33:27.19]- Why? - Are you deaf?
[33:28.63]I just said he’s not doing his job.
[33:31.36]It’s dark, you just can’t see that the lawn has been mowed.
[33:34.27]- It hasn’t been.Feel this grass. - I’m not feeling the grass!
[33:37.44]Let’s just get going. Come on we’re late.
[33:47.35]- Take care of it. - Yes sir.
[33:54.65]There’s Tanaka. Time for me to go and do my dance.
[33:59.16]Good luck sweetheart.
[34:04.63]Oh, excuse me. Ma’am? You see that man who just walked away?
[34:07.30]Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all night long.
[34:13.67]Yes ma’am.
[35:50.57]- Susan? Susan! - Mrs. Huber how are you doing?
[35:54.61]Not too well I’m afraid. I’m trying to find something to soothe my stomach.
[35:58.85]- It’s upset? - Yeah.
[36:01.28]I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake
[36:03.44]it’s been running through my system ever since.
[36:05.69]And I need to be at my best tonight.
[36:07.55]Edie Britt’s son is spending the night tonight.
[36:10.56]He’s spending the night?
[36:12.33]Apparently, Edie is having a gentleman friend over on dinner,
[36:15.56]and I think she plans on entertaining into the wee hours,
[36:18.93]if you know what I mean.
[36:22.17]Oh, here’s some antacid. Have you ever tried this?
[36:26.64]I can’t believe it. This can’t be happening.
[36:29.68]Mike can’t like Edie better than me.
[36:32.05]You don’t know what’s going on. Maybe they’re just having dinner.
[36:37.37]You’re right. They’re doing it.
[36:52.97]Edie? Edie?
[37:05.95]Edie? Edie?
[37:13.02]Hello? Anybody home?
[37:19.33]I need to borrow sugar.
[37:38.21]Oh my God! Oh yes! Give it to me!
[37:42.95]And just like that the possibility Susan had clung to
[37:46.92]the maybe of Mike Delfino was gone forever
[37:54.06]And despite the precariousness of her situation
[37:56.80]Susan took a moment to mourn her loss
[38:12.58]Oh.
[38:19.25]Oh! Oh!
[38:26.49]It didn’t take Susan long to realize this was just not her night
[38:32.83]Is somebody out there?
[38:35.03]Oh my God! That’s smoke!
[38:52.75]Oh my God.
[38:55.79]...candIes unattended in the den.
[38:58.06]Paramedics say she was lucky, she could’ve been killed!
[39:01.76]She ran out with nothing on.
[39:04.63]She was having sex with some guy when the fire started.
[39:07.73]What happened to him?
[39:08.94]He got smoke inhalation, he’s at the hospital.
[39:11.70]Oh.
[39:13.37]Susan, are you alright? You look awful.
[39:16.01]I’m fine. I’m fine. I just feel really bad for Edie.
[39:22.68]Oh, don’t worry about Edie. She’s a strong lady.
[39:25.72]Absolutely. She’ll get through this. She’ll find a way to survive.
[39:30.02]We all do.
[39:35.39]Come on.
[39:54.58]- Wow! What happened? - Mike!
[39:57.32]And suddenly, there he was, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
[40:01.75]I... I thought you were... uh.... Where were you?
[40:06.16]I just got back from the movies. Edie had a fire, huh?
[40:09.76]Yeah. Yeah but she’s fine now. Everything’s fine now.
[40:16.74]And just like that Susan was happy
[40:19.81]Life was suddenly full of possibilities
[40:29.62]Not to mention a few unexpected surprises
[40:38.39]- Hello - It’s me.
[40:39.99]- Have anything yet? - No nothing yet.
[40:42.23]but don’t worry. I’m definitely getting closer.
[40:54.57]I brought some champagne. I thought we should all have a toast.
[40:58.54]The next day, my friends came together to pack away my clothes,
[41:02.42]my personal belongings and what was left of my life
[41:08.55]Alright ladies, lift ’em up.
[41:10.76]To Mary Alice, good friend and neighbour.
[41:13.93]Wherever you are we hope you’ve found peace.
[41:16.53]- To Mary AIice. - To Mary AIice.
[41:25.84]Let’s get this show on the road.
[41:27.84]You guys check out Mary Alice’s clothes?
[41:30.44]Size 8, hah! She always told me she was a size 6.
[41:34.41]- We found the skeleton in her closet. - Not quite Gabrielle not quite
[41:39.05]- What’s that? - A letter addressed to Mary Alice.
[41:42.59]How ironic
[41:44.02]to have something I tried so desperately to keep secret, treated so casually.
[41:48.46]- What’re you doing? That’s private. - It’s open, what’s the big deal?
[42:00.71]
[42:04.59]- What does this mean? - I don’t know, but check out the postmark..
[42:07.37]Oh my God. She got it the day she died.
[42:11.78]Do you think this is why she...?
[42:14.35]I’m so sorry girls I never wanted you to be burdened with this
[42:21.86]Oh Mary Alice what did you do?